I have been dreading July 21st since December of last year.  That was my due date for the baby that we lost right after Christmas.  A few days ago, though, as I was lying in bed with Izzy, saying her prayers, she said as sincerely as she could “Mommy, God gave us back your baby, and he gave us ANOTHER one!”

We really struggled with Isabella after the miscarriage because she didn’t understand why God needed our baby to be with him, and she kept asking God every night to give us our baby back.  And as much as it broke my heart, I wanted to plead to God for the same thing, as unrealistic as it was.  I guess Isabella didn’t and doesn’t see it that way, and I have to admit that she had changed my mind, too.  This is the same child that told me two weeks before we found out I was pregnant this time that there were two babies in my belly, and that tells us constantly that God has been talking to her.  She draws rainbows and crosses on everything and calls them “God’s stars”, and even told us the other night that everyone has their own star, and that the “big one” is Jesus’.

And I have to admit, it was very hard for me to be too upset yesterday, not just because I am pregnant again, but because deep down in my soul, the innocence of this child has made me believe that God HAS given me back my baby, and has blessed me with another one, too.

“Return to the stronghold, O prisoners who have hope.  This very day I am declaring that I will restore double to you.”  (Zechariah 9:12)

I’m 17 weeks pregnant.  I look like I am about 7 months pregnant.  I don’t know if I can get any bigger!  I have this growing fear that my belly isn’t going to fit into ANY maternity clothes by the end of this pregnany.  This may be TMI for some of you, but with Izzy, my belly button never “popped out”.  Even with toxemia the last 2 weeks, and 20 pounds of nothing but swelling!  Well, here I am in month 4, and it is about to POP.  Chad likes to remind me that I am going to be “as big as a house” by the time I give birth, and after all the years of stressing about self image and weight, I don’t really care.  As long as these babies are happy and healthy, I can be as big as a house or as big as anything else for that matter.  Thank God my hubby is a personal trainer.

Just got back from our 16 week appointment and everything was great!  I saw a different doctor than my regular OB, and she did an ultrasound because she said with twins, it is easier to see the heartbeats than try to listen to them with the doppler, so I got to see the little guys once again!  They look so big compared to 8 weeks ago, and even 5 weeks ago.  We go back on the 8th of August to have our anatomy scan.  We can’t wait to find out what they are – even though we will be happy with whatever and don’t have a preference.

Thanks for everyone’s prayers – they really are working!

I’m a little late getting these up, but we finally have pictures of the little monkeys. It’s hard to believe that I will be 15 weeks pregnant on Thursday, and I can already feel both of them move! Only 3 more weeks until we find out what they are.

Twin A

Twin B

The Nikazy Twins